We often hear and realize that attachment can lead to misery. When we desire something deeply, it opens us up to pain if that desire isn’t fulfilled. If our entire life revolves around a particular purpose, failure can be devastating. For example, athletes and sportspeople dedicate themselves entirely to excelling in their sport and gaining world recognition. When they don’t get their big break, it can be extremely challenging because their whole identity and sense of well-being are tied to that achievement.
This realization can lead us to think that a more detached approach is the right way to live. Being content with what we have, or adopting an attitude of “if I get this, great; if not, that’s fine too,” can protect us from disappointment. It suggests that happiness shouldn’t depend on external achievements.
However, can someone with this mindset achieve as much as someone who stakes everything on their ambitions? High stakes can fuel high motivation, driving us to make things happen. So, how can we be driven and dedicated without being shattered if we fail to achieve our goals? Can detachment really provide the same level of drive?
Here a shift in perspective might help. It’s worth noting that we may try to build a sense of non-attachment towards things out of a fear of being hurt and because of placing too much emphasis on happiness. This approach itself can be limiting. Happiness should naturally emerge from living our best lives and shouldn’t be treated as a primary goal by itself. Instead of focusing on happiness or avoiding pain, we could view life as a journey toward meaning and contribution.
Certain desires and talents required to fulfil them take root within us for a reason. Maybe they exist because something in the world is meant to be manifested through us. We are probably here not to solely to be happy but to learn, grow, and contribute. I believe that instead of adopting a stance of non-attachment to avoid initial hurt when we don’t achieve our goals, we should focus on building resilience. Running from hurt by being detached is like rejecting life itself. It’s natural to feel hurt at times, as long as we learn to bounce back. Embracing pain as a part of life, rather than resisting it, can itself help us build tremendous resilience and bounce back sooner when things don’t work out the way we expect them to.
Also, attachment by itself may not be as much of a problem as attachment to a single thing to the exclusion of everything else. Being fully engaged with life and everything it offers can be a wonderful experience. Relationships, recreation, hobbies, and interests should have a place in our lives and add meaning to them. When we cultivate a variety of fulfilling activities and connections, we always have something to fall back on when one aspect doesn’t work out.
Ultimately, we should commit fully to our ambitions while appreciating the broader tapestry of life. We should also not fear hurt or disappointment and work on building resilience instead. This holistic approach not only enhances our chances of success but also enriches our overall life experience, enabling us to contribute positively to the world around us.
